How should parents/coaches handle the success and failure of their children/students during chess tournaments?

This is my take about this complicated issue. The most important thing for me is that my son has to enjoy playing chess, studying the game and competing in tournaments. I have seen too many incidents of parents and coaches screaming at their children because of a lost game. Some of these kids were frightened to tears and that is so unfortunate. The same thing can be said about other sports or areas of studies as well.

Winning and losing is just a part of the game. There are valuable lessons that all children can learn with either result. Therefore, it is up to the parents and coaches to motivate them to learn and do the right things. Here are some of my suggestions to the parents and coaches of young players:

1. Control yourself

I realize that parents and coaches are disappointed when their youngsters do not win. But that is when they need you the most. Screaming, yelling, and hitting will not help and it can backfire. The children can get intimidated and may not be able to play at their full strength. In addition, they may start to hate chess or hate competing.

2. Stay strong, give support and encouragement

When your youngsters win, that’s great. Congratulate them. However, when they lose, give them even more support and encouragement. That is when their psyche is most vulnerable and when they need reassurance that you still love and support them.


3. Make it fun and motivating

Young children usually have difficulty focusing and concentrating for a long period of time. Therefore, you should take one game at a time and avoid discussing future games or opponents. Teach them to focus and concentrate on each move and each game, and when that game is over then focus and concentrate on the next game.

4. Rating does not matter

Too many parents and coaches are preoccupied with chess ratings. It’s just a number.

Ratings are unimportant at such a young age and they tend to be skewed depending on where the youngsters live. Additionally, many children play chess on the Internet and can improve in between tournaments, so their over the-board rating may not reflect this. Teach the youngsters to play the position and not the opponent. Do not let your youngsters overestimate or underestimate their opponents.

5. Follow the principles of chess

Teach your children to follow the basic principles of chess. I discussed the principles of chess in my column last week.

6. Do not dwell on the past

Every youngster will have bad games here and there. If you want to go over the game quickly to learn from the mistakes, that is fine. But do not be so preoccupied with the loss. In-depth analyses of the games to learn from mistakes made should only be done after the tournament is finished. The players need to move on and focus on the next game. Help your youngsters relax and concentrate in subsequent rounds. It will not help getting angry and upset over a bad loss. Otherwise, it can affect the next few games.

7. Don’t play too quickly

Teach your children to use their time properly in all phases of the game. Too many children move at the speed of their opponents. Don’t! Play at your own pace. Even when they have a winning position, they should still take their time and be very careful of traps and counter-attacks. As the saying goes, it isn’t over until it’s over. Therefore, every move in every position is important.

8. Conserve energy

I understand that this is tough to do. However, try to help your children conserve their energy. Many children want to run around and play actively. That is OK but not 15-30 minutes before the round. They should take a walk, get some fresh air, concentrate, and get their minds ready for the next battle.

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