By A. BARTON HINKLE
Guest columnist
Published: October 24, 2009
The World Chess Federation today announced that Barack Obama had become the world chess champion, nudging aside former undisputed champion Viswanathan Anand of India.
The news surprised some in the chess world, because Obama has never participated in tournament play. But FIDE officials said they felt certain Obama could become world champion if he ever decided to try.
Others were less surprised. Hungarian grandmaster Judit Polgar noted the world championship is just the latest in a string of triumphs for the American president. She cited his receipt two years ago of the Nobel Peace Prize. That award — for which Obama was nominated just a few weeks into his presidency, and a mere five years after he held the title of state senator in Illinois — was only the first in a series of accolades to come his way.
It was followed several months later when the International Mathematical Union bestowed on Obama the Fields Medal, often referred to as the Nobel Prize of Mathematics. The Fields is supposed to be given to individuals not over 40 years of age. The prize committee decided to waive the requirement, said the IMU’s László Lovász, because some members had seen a “60 Minutes” interview in which Obama had done a rough percentage calculation in his head, and were impressed.
“Besides,” Lovász added, “the Fields is intended in part to encourage further achievement. Having accomplished so little in the area of advanced mathematics, [Obama] surely has nowhere to go but up. We feel very optimistic.”
In December, Obama was named the Ultimate Fighter by the Ultimate Fighting Championship. According to remarks by UFC president Dana White, there was no need for Obama to step into the Octagon. “He looks like he can scuffle,” White said. “He’s quick and agile and he’s in shape. I’d love to see him go toe-to-toe with [former UFC heavyweight champion Brock] Lesnar, and we’re trying to arrange that. But until then, we feel confident Obama would prevail, so we’ve taken the belt back from Brock and sent it to the White House.”
Last April, despite the fact that Obama had never written an actual script, the Pulitzer committee awarded Obama the Pulitzer Prize for Drama, “in recognition of the extraordinary dramatic arc his life has taken.”
“So much for calling him “No-Drama Obama’!” joked senior White House adviser David Axelrod — a reference to the president’s unflappable leadership style.
Obama himself has made light of the many plaudits he has received, particularly his designation as People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. “I knew Michelle felt that way, but frankly I’m a little surprised so many other people do. I’m very flattered. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to the gym,” the president quipped.
The White House does not keep a tally of the awards the president has received, says press secretary Robert Gibbs. But a running list is maintained at Obamafanzine.com, a Web site run by Kevin Dingle, who calls himself Obama’s “unofficial bi-blog-grapher.”
In addition to the Nobel, Fields, UFC, Pulitzer, and People honors, the president has taken first place in Season Eight of FOX’s “So You Think You Can Dance”; the blue ribbon in the Springfield, Ill., state fair woodcarving contest; and first place in the Saddle Bronc division of the annual New Holland-Saskatoon Stampede. He also has been named next year’s contestant in the Miss Universe pageant from Croatia, although many doubt whether he will actually compete.
Obama also has won four college wrestling championships, three Olympic gold medals (in 10-meter platform diving, luge, and dressage), the Fastest Trowel on the Block Competition from the Mason Contractors Association of America, and the Pillsbury Bake-Off.
The president — who holds the long-distance shooting record at the sniper school at Marine Corps Base Quantico, Va. — also has a chest full of military decorations. They include two Purple Hearts for service in Vietnam and the 1983 U.S. invasion of Grenada; a Silver Star for nighttime air combat missions over the Solomon Islands in World War II; and a Congressional Medal of Honor for conspicuous valor at Montbrehain, France, in 1918. According to the citation: “Despite having his right arm and both legs blown off by a concussion grenade, Cpl. Obama secured his men in a dugout safe from withering machine-gun fire from a German emplacement, crept up to the German position from its flank, and dispatched the seven enemy soldiers there with his remaining bare hand.” The Medal of Honor was awarded posthumously even though Obama is still alive because, said an adjutant general in the Pentagon, “we all thought it was a lot more romantic that way.”
Sources in the Vatican say the conclave of electors is poised to name Obama the next pope.
This should have been published on April 1.
Obama is the greatest President ever.
Obama is the worst president ever
Obama, Fide, USCF
they are all egomanical liars
Winning the Peace prize suggests that Obama would be even more drawish than Kramnik.
Obviously, some republicans take every chance to show what sore losers they are. Luckily, by producing non-sense like the above they will stay away from power for a very long time. Or, maybe, that’s what they really want…
Obama for President!
That was hilarious.
However, I wouldn’t put anything beyond FIDE.
Nice going Obama.
Soon you will have more medals than Leonid Brezhnev.
Obama is not eligible to be called the worst president ever yet.
George Bush Jnr took the title off Calvin Coolidge.
Barack Obama has already poured enough oil on troubled waters to win the Nobel Peace Prize, though clearly the award might be more deserved later.
Lubbock is famous for being about as Republican as it gets in the USA.
“Lubbock is famous for being about as Republican as it gets in the USA.”
It’s not about political parties. Both Democrats and Republicans are the same corrupt people.
You however are blinded by the bullshit fed to you by TV and the newspaper like the good Republicrat sheep you are.
It is all a lie you poor sheep.
Patrick Henry cites Lubbock being Republican as if it’s a bad thing. Nice try, thanks for playing…
The TV networks (except Fox) and newspapers are all in Obama’s pocket. They ARE shoveling out BS, but it’s all pro-Obama.
The real Patrick Henry, among other things, said, “Give me liberty or give me death.” Based on his hate-spewing venom, it’s easy to decide which this poster calling himself Patrick Henry should get…
Obama’s an imposter. Wake up, Democrats and Republicans are nearly identical. They both are ignoring their constituents and doing what they want. Long live freedom and liberty.
I think you could make a decent argument for Obama being the worst president per second of time spent in office so far. Even George Bush Jr. hadn’t spent nearly as much money and messed up the country as much during his first year in office. Of course in order to beat Woodrow Wilson for the honor he would basically have to become Emperor Palpatine and dissolve the senate!
The report is inaccurate. While FIDE, the INTERNATIONAL CHESS FEDERATION may have made such a declaration, the World Chess Federation, Inc has not. Further Anand is NOT undisputed champion, having turned down the opportunity to play for WCF title back in 2000, and Fischer did NOT sign the 2002 Prague agreement. Further if Obama wished to play in the upcoming WCF World Chess Championship Qualifying Tournament in Las vegas Dec 2-13 he will have to do so representing Indonesia as he is not a US citizen and never has been, having been born in Kenya.
Let’s dwell a bit more on this single topic.
If “Fox News” is stating that A is false and each and every other network is telling you that A is true, which one do you trust:
A) I can only trust FN as usual and I don’t care about others;
B) I don’t see very often so many people agreeing on different issues. There is a better chance that they could have it right;
C) It doesn’t matter because they are all the same. It wouldn’t make any difference if the democrats are in office for the next eight years so I don’t mind that either.
Eric said:
“I think you could make a decent argument for Obama being the worst president per second of time spent in office so far. Even George Bush Jr. hadn’t spent nearly as much money and messed up the country as much during his first year in office. Of course in order to beat Woodrow Wilson for the honor he would basically have to become Emperor Palpatine and dissolve the senate!”
Did you consider the fact that not only did Bush Jr. lead the country into illegitimate war, which has been, and is still, an ongoing drain on our resources, but that the $700 billion corporate bailout was also devised under his administration?
What exactly has Obama done so far that even comes close? I’m not saying that I agree with him on every policy, but some of the confused and unreasoned opposition to any and everything Obama is baffling.
Well, so far Obama has simply continued the Bush policies. Continuing the wars, and arranging more (and larger!) bailouts. I think it would be interesting to see a tally of the American debt increase during Bush’s first year and compare that to Obama’s first year. I have a feeling Obama would come out on top.