CHICAGO, IL — Illinois senator and presidential hopeful Barack Obama has taken his long-time admiration for Tiger Woods to a whole new level.
A self-admitted golf enthusiast and Tiger disciple, Obama has released a statement through his official spokesman Richard Benton saying that he plans to endorse the pop-culture and sports icon in an attempt to aid Woods in obtaining the coveted Sexiest Non-Contact Sports Athlete of the Century Award, to be presented later this year. The prestigious distinction is given every 100 years by GQ Magazine.
“Senator Obama respects no one more than Tiger Woods; and that includes Bill Clinton’s wife,” Benton said before a throng of reporters Tuesday morning. “Ever since Tiger arrived on the professional golf scene, the senator has always been struck by Mr. Woods’ impressive facial features and unparalleled symmetry. In addition, it should come as no surprise that his increased admiration has coincided with Mr. Woods’ recently enhanced pectorals and upper-body region.”
Obama is reportedly confident that this decision to support Tiger, who he feels is the sexiest man ever to participate in a non-major professional sport, will drive other public figures to similar action, and take their minds away from the election. According to Benton, Mr. Obama stopped worrying about the election a couple weeks ago, but would just as soon not see any more about it on cable news stations.
If chosen, Woods would be only the second recipient of an award that was first given to renowned Russian chess player Rashid Gibiatovich Nezhemetdinov in 1908. Benton also went on to say that Obama is already planning to actively endorse Tiger in 2108, so that the future Hall-of-Famer could become GQ’s first ever repeat winner.
Source: Serious Sports News Network
Comments? 🙂
This sounds like somthing that would be published in the Onion magazine.
Obama sounds gay for salivating over another male?
Ha! Who would believe this even for an instant? Everyone knows Nezhmetdinov was born in 1912!
Actually, that could be a bad sign. That was in truth the first thing that sprang out at me about this article. Yikes! Mega chess geek.
Interesting. Are people taking this seriously?
This sounds like somthing that would be published in the Onion magazine. — Anon at 12:36.
Yes, indeed. It does.
If chosen, Woods would be only the second recipient of an award that was first given to renowned Russian chess player Rashid Gibiatovich Nezhemetdinov in 1908.
Nezhmetdinov was born in 1912.
Benton also went on to say that Obama is already planning to actively endorse Tiger in 2108, so that the future Hall-of-Famer could become GQ’s first ever repeat winner.
OK, Obama, if elected, will be the first president younger than I. Nevertheless, I don’t think he’ll be endorsing any one for any thing in 2108.
My parents are republicans, I think but I’m back I’m back I’m back. I was in a tournament in Monterrey Mexico. I missed you guys.
WCM Claudia Munoz
4th grade
womancandidatemaster.blogspot.com
The same (satirical!) site has this story about Texas Tech’s own Bobby Knight becoming the Commissioner of Umpires for Major League Baseball.
Presumably this would signal a change in policy that umps should learn how to throw punches back, or rip out chairs from the stands and hurl them with some practiced precision.
For something more serious, here’s a long flashback story on Bobby Fischer by Sports Illustrated, dated Jan 18 2008. Funny, I didn’t notice that in the week following his passing.
And speaking of Bobby, how ’bout that no-compromise Carlsen continuing his roller-coaster ride! He showed both hot verve and chilled Sitzfleisch against Topalov just now.
Page 3 of that Fischer article mentions that several people last saw him at the 1978 US Championship in Pasadena. I was in that event and took a phone message from Fischer for Bernie Zuckerman, with whom I was given a room to share. I didn’t know it was Bobby until later, though.
Well, GQ is in its 51st year, so of course it has yet to establish any award given once per century. Beyond that obvious point, the article offers many other clues that it is a work of satire.
Obama’s chief concern today is to dispose of the body that he will bury in Texas and Ohio (his leading opponent before the battle with McCain gets into full swing).
Comparisons of Tiger Woods and Barack Obama have already taken on the naive advocacy of racial amalgamation that seemed a good idea to me when I was twelve, but makes me cringe when I hear adults proclaim it as the answer to America’s persistent racial problems. This minor exercise in irony is part of that larger project. Of course, those with such complex genealogies as Woods and Obama call into question the black/white dichotomy that underlies the thinking of many; but, such mixed race folks have always been “black” in American society. Obama cannot change that, but he might show that minority status has become less of a barrier to political and economic achievement than it was when he was born.
You guys are too smart 🙂 Nothing can get by you. Good job!
Best wishes,
Susan Polgar
http://www.ChessDiscussion.com
Thanx Ken Regan for the link to Fischer article! It was an interesting read.