Artwork by Mike Magnan

Joke #1

A police officer pulls over a man who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. The officer goes up to the man’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube.”

Man: “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”

The officer: “Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”

Man: “I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”

The officer: “Well, then we need a urine sample.”

Man: “I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”

The officer: “Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”

Man: “I can’t do that, officer.”

The officer: “Why not?”

Man: “Because I’m too drunk to do that.”

Joke #2

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, “What happened to your ears?”

He says, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.”

The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?”

He says, “Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!”

Joke #3

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.

They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two men from the gas company running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!

If you have good clean jokes, please feel free to share them with others.

Chess Daily News from Susan Polgar
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