That is the chief arbiter Geurt Gijssen and Kramnik before game 10. Have fun! Make your own caption! Please make it clean though.
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“I am puting the portable chess set in your shirt pocket now. Shhh. Do not look at me.”
whisper:”You are sitting on the wrong side of the Board! You have black today!”
“i have a date in about 4 hours, so don’t think too long, just play” – he said the same to Topalow who followed the advice
“Fritz 9 thinks White has a slight edge here, but it wants your opinion …”
“Meet me at the park in the afternoon”
“You smell nice”
very well then, it is agreed, the tie-breaker will be decided by rock, paper, scissors, best two out of three
(pressing blade in his side) “If you scream your dead, do not look at me, DO NOT LOOK AT ME!”
GG: Msr Kramnik, the barn door is wide open
VK: Wuh?
GG: You forgot to zip up your fly
OR
GG: Mmmm… your hair smells great! What shampoo do you use?
VK: Clairol Herbal Essence
OR
GG: According to match regulation 9.5.11b the score sheet must be recorded in Blue or Black ink…
VK: But geniuses choose green you know!
Very funny (and clean) stuff so far! Keep it going! 🙂
Best wishes,
Susan Polgar
http://www.SusanPolgar.com
PolgarChess.com
“I love you, MCHUIIICK!
I’ve put the pott under your chair, but please make it clean though.
I apologize to everybody, I will write one in hungarian. Only Susan would understand it, and it doesn’t come out in english.
————————-
“A másik vécé kulcsa a lábtörlő alatt van”
GG: You want me to put TWO extra queens on the table?
VK: Yes, I have a very strong novelty prepared for today and am feeling quite positive.
“You know how the little horsies move, right?”
Why don’t you try e4???
(pinching Kramnik’s cheek) “Booboo gaga dada! Who is the prettieast? Who is the prettiest? Brrrrrrb!”
“So how is the chess?”
“Is there a secret move that always wins?”
VK: Is there anything in particular you are looking for?
GG: Don’t mind me son, I’m just stretching.
Some men in Washington Square park would like to have a word with you.
“i can hear you brain-implanted chip humming.”
and
whisper:”You are sitting on the wrong side of the Board! You have black today!”
and thx susan!
Sunday, October 08, 2006 11:35:47 AM
Old Guy to Kramnik “ok.. you want to bet $10 on Topalov winning today ? you sure ? all bets are final…”
“You should meet my cousin, he always wins, he is probably better than you”
Absolutely fantastic stuff so far 🙂 Really witty and funny! Keep it up!
Best wishes,
Susan Polgar
http://www.PolgarChess.com
http://www.SusanPolgar.com
GG: And an extra knight as well?
VK: Yes, I have been doing the mate-in-one puzzle’s in Lazlo’s book, underpromotion can be an important theme you know!
“Maybe you should drink a little less this game, ok?”
“I repeat this for the last time. You have to play 1.d4:
1.f3 followed by 2. Kf3 is not a novelty, is just scratch”
OR
“I bet 10 000 000 $ on you after game two. If you do not win today I will close you in a toilet for the rest of your days”
Remember, pawns can´t go backward!
“What’s that antenna sticking out of your elbow?”
The “toiletries” are ready, sir.
okay ,I admit we owe you one so…
next time he leaves board, I’ll turn around so you can go ahead and poison one of his pawns.
“I haven’t gone through the rules yet, but are you allowed to wear jeans during the match?”
(pressing gun at his ribs) “If you lose this match Putin will have your head faster than you can say chicken”
Dear Vladimir, I’m sorry, but we have agreed to Mr. Danailov’s demand that you are not allowed to drink water during the game. I hope you understand.
“Sir, could you repeat to me please if you want the chateubriand rare or medium rare please?”
(pinching Kramnik’s behind) “I can’t keep this secret anymore, I am screaming our love for the whole world to hear”
“As per our agreement your pieces are loaded”
Can you receive Susan suggestions today? This new antenna should solve the transmission troubles we had in the last two games. OK, just trust her and you got the championship. Of course, start with 1.d4, she wrote that also on her blog…
You can get batteries for your pocket fritz on your 3rd trip to the toliet, they will be taped under the paper towel holder.
I know that this is really gonna piss you off – but that free point score from last week by the Bulgarians? Well, CNN shows their soccer team having just won another vs Mother Russia 5 minutes ago…
As you know, the FIDE Handbook, Section C:01 part 8.1 says:
“All chess players need to take more care in their personal appearance. The image of the chess player should be a dignified one, and dressing properly would not only show respect for the game, but also to sponsors, potential or otherwise, to make it worth their while to spend their money.
For example, some federations have barred slippers, sleeveless T-shirts and vests in their tournaments. Those with unkempt and greasy hair should be admonished, as well as those wearing old or torn jeans and battered attire generally.”
See http://fide.com/official/handbook.asp?level=C01
“Don’t you realize that Danailov will issue a press statement tommorow saying you are unfairly distracting Veselin with your unkempt jeans!”
“will u play the tie break after the tie??”
If you sign an autograph for my daughter after the match? I will let you sit on toilet seat while making moves!
Hey Susan,
Its not fair…jokes shud be shared even if it is in hungarian…
Please translate…
“A másik vécé kulcsa a lábtörlő alatt van” …
What does it mean ??
Sir, you left the light on in the bathroom.
For adults only:
yes – of course mr. kramnik, i’m still the chief arbiter, yes, it was me to make you lose game 5 – indeed – mr kramnik, please – what? of course i know nigel short – yes sir – please – no – not again that electrodes, please – yes, of course – no, please NO NO – thx sir, thx a lot – indeed i agree, i agree of course – ok – the game will be your’s, sir!
^^ Vohaul
(de gestibus non est disputandum!)
Vladi, do not behave like a little child, so, please, don’t to your bathroom twice during the current game!
hey, jeans are not allowed in this match. but let me see… are they levis or what?
“Hey, isn’t that the same cologne you wore for game 1? Excellent choice!”
“Vlad, please jiggle the handle when you are done in there.”
Gene_M
http://CastleLong.com/
Topalov’s objection of the week is that he thinks those stone-washed jeans would go better with his collection of pink chess ties. He wants to meet at the restroom in 10 minutes and try ’em on for fit, before we start hearing anything more about stained suits!
“May ‘the Fritz’ be with you”
or
“Hmm, ‘the Fritz’ is strong in this one”
Before you start, can I please lick you?
There is a beautiful woman waiting for you in your room.
“Ahem! my daughter is just dying to go out with you, she says she’s smitten …. after you win the championships of course”
(Repeated for Topalov’s listening pleasure as well)
Where am I?
***
This arthritis is killing me pal. What pills do you take?
***
If you play d4 again I’ll be one very angry old man!
***
Would you like another glass of vodka, Sir?
***
Son, when I was at your age chess was far more exciting.
***
Why have you put these jeans cowboy? Are you going to ride the white horse in the toilet again or the white horses on the board this time?
VD
He want’s to know what the hell you keep writing over here
“I’ve a very nice opening preparation against your opponent. Play 1.g4, and if Topi answers 1..e5 to prevent 2.f4 then just play 2.f3 and you have a very solid position! I beat my cousin in every single game with this line…”
“For God’s sakes switch off your implant Vlad – it’s magnetising my fillings.”
I got a message from Putin “ok you can win this one
no potty today ok
Psst… I heard from the Fritz team… 1. d4!
Rgds M.
I have done a really thorough check, and I can assute you absolutely, Vladimir, that Veselin does not have any contact with Rybka today.
You’re still dry? Fine.
Pssst…that black horsee your gazing at now just winked at you!
Pardon…this is just between us two, but Vegas has you on tie-breaks…what do you say?
Pssst…about this toilet break business, I understand, really, I do…a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
Pssst…tell me…It’ll be betweem just us two…is the loo seat soft and squishy?
Pssst…this is just between us two…the white queen is Voodoo and she’ll hypnotize Topalov today…just wait and see.
Excuse me…see I have to introduce you today and I don’t believe we’ve met…
God I wish I could wear jeans!
Pardon me…but did you say this game is called “chess”?
Pssst…keep this between just us two…my boss says that it’s your turn to win!
I know this is off subject, but do you think you could help me get hair like yours? Look at mine!
Pssst…look closely, very closely at that white bishop……IT’S ALIVE !!!!
Psst…Help me! sob Help me please! Ilyumzhinov has trapped me with his blackmail….help me…help me I can’t get away!
Vladimir, the Vegas line is 7 to 5 that Danailov will spout off again today…but he told that me he won’t…want a pice of this?
My young man, for your information, in this regime…we ALL have chess programs inplanted in our head!
¡e4!
Vladimir, if the truth be known…just between the two of us…actually I think you’re kinda cute!
Pssst…Msr. Kramnik, did Anna Nicole really buy her Bahamian citizenship?
“A final word before we begin today’s game, Msr. Kramnik….
I don’t care what everyone says, I think that you’re all right.”
He finds your pair of knights suspicious—
why are they pointing at
the same direction?
Its not fair…jokes shud be shared even if it is in hungarian…
Please translate…
“A másik vécé kulcsa a lábtörlő alatt van” …
What does it mean ??
Word by word translation:”The key to the other bathroom is under the doormat”. But you see, this is totally meaningless in English. Explained joke is never funny.
Gabor