Since you have been so witty with the last caption, here is another one. This time, it is Chief Arbiter Geurt Gijssen and Topalov before game 10. What could they be talking about? Have fun and remember to keep it clean, please 🙂
Chess Daily News from Susan Polgar
“You’re OUT!!”
(Those who play cricket might understand this.. the umpire signals that a batter is out by raising his index finger”
God up there is watching ya know.
Old Guy to Topalov – excuse me I have to go to the bathroom
“You want permission to go do Number One, raise a finger like this.”
Do you really have a chip in your brain, Mr. Topalov?
See my hair? This is what chess does to you. Give it up, now!
For the last time, you cannot bite, kick or scream!
I once used to be able to think like you when I was a young whipper-snapper!
For the last time…No potty mouth!
GG: *Bites Topalov’s Nose*
VT: Ouch
OR
GG: You cannot speak into this ear, you must speak into my other ear, this ear is reserved for Msr Kramnik.
VT: Well Danailov is going to appeal this decision!
OR
GG: Stop kicking him under the table, what do you think this is? Karpov-Korchnoi!?
VT: Sorry sir, I’ll behave.
“Don’t swallow the captured pawns this time!”
But the funniest thing is that today when Kramnik had played Nd7 Kasparov left playchess in fury and disbelief.
LOL!
“OK. A kiss on the forehead for luck. But only one!”
Vesilin,
there is a way of giving the forfeit matter the finger …
try to win your next 2 games!
GG: Ok guys, when I do like this, you turn the board 180 degrees.
Today is Kirsan’s birthday so on the count of three Please sing…
Do that again and you will have to sit in time out over there in the corner. And i will NOT stop your clock in the meantime.
Sometimes my finger just gets stuck like this, yah, it’s annoying!
God is on our side, Mr. Topalov.
This won’t take but a minute, now turn your head and cough. 🙂
I’m sorry, but Danailov’s bribe money has run out. Today I’m only taking orders from the guy upstairs.
Sorry, new rules require body cavity checks before each match.
GG: *In Loud Announcer’s Voice* “Round 10! Fight!!!!” *Brings down his hand* *Loud music from Street Fighter starts playing*
Like my new hairdo?
Don’t look now, but that camera up there just caught you picking your nose!
Psst…Topalov…Don’t you think Kramnik’s a little looney in the head?
Keep the fight clean, boys. No punches under the belt, no biting, no hair pulling, no finger breaking!
I don’t care how they do it back in the clubs when you were learning the game, you CANNOT do a happy dance each time you capture a piece.
“First, little Kramnik is not a ‘pottyhead’, second…”
Kramnik just wishes he had a head of hair like this!
Topalov, try hair club for men for that balding spot. Look what it’s done for me!!
“Shut the heck up or ill smack you! I mean it this time!”
(Topalov saying) “But I dont want to talk the pieces that he touched EWWWWW”
The members of the Appeals Committee are still waiting for that money you promised them for their “ruling.” If you don’t pay up today, they’re taking it back!
“Go on, pull my finger.”
For the last time, Topalov, I don’t care if you have separate press conferences, you must sit at the same table for the game!
How many fingers do you see?
No, Topalov! – How many times do I have to remind you?! It’s 1. e4 that secures the full-point. Vladimir over here persists with 1. d4?! because it at best secures the repetition draw that either would require to continue with the next round to keep draw-odds and their own precious title! He’s just trying to bore you, and so you have to transpose to the Benoni Spanish structure by playing the King’s Indian! Don’t worry, though – you’ll have plenty more study time after your defeat, especially since you forgot to do your homework during the round 5 recess.
“… and if I hear one more complaint, we’ll pull the wireless at move 24!”
Take your marks…
Yet set!….
GO!
Kramnik can go number 1 to the toliet 40 times per game, that is a good concession so stop whining!
no, no, mr. topalov, out of the question! it is white to move…
erik
‘Watch my finger! Keep watching it as it goes back and forth before your eyes. When I touch your nose, you will be in deep trance, and play f6.’
“If you need me, I’m upstairs, taking a nap.”
Can you here me now?
If you are disturbing GM Kramnik today, you may be abducted by some nasty aliens tonight.
Vaselin, stop playing dirty and don’t listen to that scumbag Danailov any more. Remember there is someone above who will make you pay for your sins
– Kapalik
“Mr Topalov, you have a microchip sticking out of your head just over here…”
“Please, no more kissing during the game!”
“indeed, sir, mr. topalov, band-aid for your fingertips is still forbidden by the rules of contract”
We’ve made a decision to compromise: we will place Fritz 9 in your restroom and in Kramnik’s restroom.
Is Danailov comparable to the character Yago in the drama Othello? I figure out this possibility, after reading the last posted message,
Ok read my lips..ONE more complaint against Mr. Kramnik and that retired Spetznaz guy standing below the Russian flag kicks your sorry Bulgarian ass! I mean it!
Susan,
This is an excellent innovation, probably the first time it’s done for chess. The New Yorker magazine runs something similar (give your own caption for a cartoon) as a competition for readers. The best entries are selected and recognized. Perhaps you (with some assistance from others) can select the “top ten” entries and publicize them. With so many entries, it’s really useful to make sure the best ones are not missed. Some very witty ones here!
Congratualtions on this, and kudos to the contributors.
Just to inform you, we’re taking Mr. Danailov upstairs for interrogation. Please continue.
don’t even think about f6!
LET HIM WIN ONE MORE ,PLEASE!
if i have told you once, i have told you a hundred times. white moves first.
You are #1. So behave like one!
Kramnik thinking:
“There’s a ketchup stain on d5…”
Kids should wear what they should. Look at Kramanik, he is just so COOL!
Topa, you play like the holly old man up there! I haven’t seen such an exciting play since Alekhine!
***
Stop blitzing your opponent or I’ll give you one of Susan’s 15 moves mate puzzles as a punishment/ or I’ll punish you to play f6!
***
If you one more time miss mate in 2 I’ll spank your ass!
VD
Yes, yes I’m ONE big twat, I agree. But still can’t allow black to move first.
“Look Topa – he’s clean” (after performing a thorough body search)
…And don’t forget to put the seat down this time !!!
VT: How do the horseys move again?
Couldn’t resist this first one and it’s the first world champoinship chess match since then, so the second one is real.
GG: “All your base are belong to us.”
OR
“Does this look healthy to you?”
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They exist you know, Kirsan told me!
“Im sorry Mr. Topalov, but you only get one point off forfeit — Kirsan’s orders.”
“Gentlemen, Start your Engines!”
.
.
.
.
.
(“Engine” is the collective term for the kind of chess program Kramnik was accused of cheating with.)
So, it’s agreed then, Veselin, you will give back that forfeit point today.
Now, remember, Veselin, it’s the 21st Century, not the 19th – we’re more civilised now. We don’t bang people over the head with boards anymore.
If you won again so brilliantly,
the poor Toiletnik would cry,
please, please offer a draw
after 10 moves!
Now remember, Veselin, no Slav today. It’s unsportsmanlike to play Vladimir’s own defence against him. You’ve got to give him some sort of a chance, otherwise everybody will blame that forfeit.
Chess aside for a moment…
I Have a Dream….
Contrary to what you might think Nsr. Topalov, I have ceased watching the Teletubbies for this match!
Msr. Topalov, be cardeful! I’ll have you know that I refused a personal invitation from LaLa to Tubbyland just to be here with you today!
All right that’s it! If there’s anymore pouting from you Msr. Topalov, there will be no milk and cookies before beddy-by tonight!
Darn it! If you don’t play without Rybka today, there will be no more Teletubbies for you!
I mean it!
“Alekhine and Capablanca are watching you. So don’t blow it!!”
See here Msr. Topalov, unlike you, Tinky Winky is not my favorite Teletubby…Laa-Laa wins hands down!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0142055/
See here Msr. Topalov, contrary to popular opinion. I am a living, breathing human being…WITH a brain!
Msr. Topalov, I will have you know that you have caused me much anguish…see here today, I actually had a thought, and…do you realize how rare that event is for me?
Be aware Msr. Topalov, as you play in today’s match, that I too, can be your foe…
If I only had a hair in my head for every worry that you’ve caused me!
As you play today, be mindful of the passing pigeons!
Now…let me make myself clear on a few issues…you do want to be a responsible adult and contribute to society when you grow up, don’t you?
dante
‘one flush only ..not three long three short three long ‘
“Can I keep the flag even if I lose?!”
You know, when I think of all the years I spent studying chess books and memorizing lines…..and now any twit with a few pennies, a computer, and a chess program can take it all away…sigh…Murphy wins again!