Happy Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day to everyone!

Labor Day Funnies brought to you by the hard working comedians:

Happy Labor Day! For those of you with gainful employment, we hope you enjoy a well deserved day off! For those of you still looking for that perfect job, rest assured that many others before you have had similarly difficult job searches! Take my job history for example…

1. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.
4. Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
5. I worked as a pilot but eventually got grounded for taking off too much.
6. Then I tried teaching but I couldn’t make the grade.
7. I spent a few years as a Psychiatrist but everyone’s problems drove me crazy.
8. I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
9. Then I tried to be a chef–figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn’t have the thyme.
10. I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
11. My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.
12. I was a pretty good eye doctor, but I could not stay focused on the job.
13. I worked a long time as a doctor. I gave it my best shot, but I didn’t have enough patients.
14. Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it never touched my sole.
15.The Energizer Battery Company hired me but then expected me to keep going, and going, and going…
16. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.
17. Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
18. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
19. I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it.
20. So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
21. Of course, I tried being a secretary, but it turned out not to be my type of work.
22. My years as an exterminator were pretty good, but I got tired of the rat race.
23. Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking even thought it kind of turned me on.
24. I was a gardener for a while, but I didn’t grow with the job even though I was racking in the money.
25. My career as a comedian was a stand-up success, but the critics thought I was a big joke.
26. After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
27. My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.